After his historic re-election yesterday, Sepp Blatter has proudly announced to the media that FIFA is now completely free of corruption. Although he was scant on details about how he achieved such a fast turn around, one of his senior aides has provided us with further information on the wunderopa’s latest success: “It was simple,…
Following several thousand complaints about its upcoming programme, ‘Britain’s Hardest Grafter,’ the BBC has defended the new show by arguing that it’s a, ‘serious social experiment.’ When it was pointed out that the fact they were experimenting on people in the first place was precisely what the public were complaining about, the junior producer that…
Following the shock revelation that 80% of their chickens are glazed in a fine coating of campylobacter bacteria, ASDA are attempting to cut their losses buy introducing a ‘Buy-2 Get-8 Free’ promotion. A senior bigwig at the corporation had this to say: “Look, we’re not saying that 8 – 10 of your chickens won’t be…
The government’s Department for Education has complained that children in pre-school and reception classes are completely devoid of any curricular knowledge. A senior minister from the Department explained the problem to one of our journalists: “You wouldn’t believe the total lack of knowledge that these little pleblings are turning up with. I sat in on…
The Queen has used her latest speech to announce the Conservative government’s intention of building a third, fully-operational Death Star. She has also assured the UK citizenry that we will ‘all be on it together,’ as there are more than 3 million toilets and waste compactor units aboard the latest murder satellite, and each one…
HBO are in a state of panic this morning, as viewers of their number one hit show have started reacting to it as if they hadn’t been desensitised by 30 years of ‘Donkey Kong,’ Gangsta Rap, and John Prescott. A former fan of the show had this to say: “Sorry if I sound a little…
Picture of The Kingpin taken from here. The first season of Marvel’s ‘Daredevil’ ended last night to widespread criticism, as the series’ main villain escaped arrest, despite the fact that he was obviously the one behind all of the bad crime. Our reviewer, Mark Tirade had this to say: “Okay, so imagine this.…
The rational world rejoiced last weekend, as Ireland dragged itself out of the peat-bog of intolerance and sprinted off for the the summer meadow of homosexual marriage. In the aftermath of the historic event, however, the detractors of the law have been notable by their lack of public outcry. Their absence may now have been…
Following several, recent high-profile spats with the world’s most awful animal murderers, comedian Ricky Gervais has now turned his attention to the world of illegal Pokemon battling. Gervais’ agent issued this statement earlier today: “In Japan, there’s a word for people who make innocent Pokemon maim each other to death. I don’t know what…
Actor supreme, Mel Gibson has had his ‘lethal weapon’ status revoked, in a move that comes as no surprise to those who have followed the thespian’s troubled antics over the last few years. The final blow to his heavily dented career has been struck by the latest ‘Mad Max’ film, which has finally proven that…
The Hourly Terrier 