The Department for Environmental Fuckups and Rainforest Annihilation has leapt into the 24 hour news-feed today with the announcement that they have initiated a blanket ban on all video games, Tamagotchi, and brightly coloured calculators. The ban came after a reality-crow sky-murdered a corporeal pig, leading our top, environmentally-involved politicians to jump to the conclusion…
The government’s Department for Education has complained that children in pre-school and reception classes are completely devoid of any curricular knowledge. A senior minister from the Department explained the problem to one of our journalists: “You wouldn’t believe the total lack of knowledge that these little pleblings are turning up with. I sat in on…
The Queen has used her latest speech to announce the Conservative government’s intention of building a third, fully-operational Death Star. She has also assured the UK citizenry that we will ‘all be on it together,’ as there are more than 3 million toilets and waste compactor units aboard the latest murder satellite, and each one…
Above picture taken from here. DISCLAIMER – This is a satirical website, and this is a satirical news story, i.e. total horseshit. Reports are coming in this evening that the former leader of the now defunct Liberal Democrats has updated his LinkedIn account to say that he is actively looking for work as…
The European Parliament has been left in a state of befuddled exhaustion over the last few days, as every translator in the Union seemed completely unable to make sense of David Cameron’s nonsensical demands. One of the translators, Amelie Toblerone-Bratwurst had this to say: “I have over 20 years experience as an English translator,…
There has been a lot of speculation over the past few days about what Ed Balls would be doing next – the former MP hovering over the private sector like a portly condor, inspiring worry and nausea in all those below. The speculation ended this morning, however, as Ed Balls declared his intention of entering…
The SNPs routing of the Labour party was completed last night, as the Scottish public drove the party’s remaining members into the North Sea with their Scottish sticks and pitchforks. All was not as it seemed, however, as SNP voter, Dougie Bonnet explained: “To be honest, I didnae mind the idea of us having…
There are reports this morning that several of the Liberal Democrats that went missing after the general election have been spotted in the mighty and monstrous maw of Conservative polar bear-man, Boris Johnson. New information on how the ousted MPs came to be mayoral mouth-fodder has also been brought to light by a resurfaced, junior…
Having grown fed up with an omnipresent minority of spongers, the government has decided to start dunking people on benefits to determine which of them are scroungers and which are genuinely entitled to the small amount of cash that is delivered to them each week in thimbles by bipedal mice wearing Dickensian street-urchin clobber. The…
DISCLAIMER – THIS IS A SATIRICAL NEWS SITE, AND THIS IS A SATIRICAL NEWS STORY, I.E. TOTAL HORSESHIT. Southern Rail have continued their long-standing campaign of dehumanising the proletariat today by forcing all passengers within 30ft of the First Class carriage to wear ball gags. The conductor issuing the gags had this to say:…
The Hourly Terrier 