There has been a lot of speculation over the past few days about what Ed Balls would be doing next – the former MP hovering over the private sector like a portly condor, inspiring worry and nausea in all those below. The speculation ended this morning, however, as Ed Balls declared his intention of entering…
The SNPs routing of the Labour party was completed last night, as the Scottish public drove the party’s remaining members into the North Sea with their Scottish sticks and pitchforks. All was not as it seemed, however, as SNP voter, Dougie Bonnet explained: “To be honest, I didnae mind the idea of us having…
There are reports this morning that several of the Liberal Democrats that went missing after the general election have been spotted in the mighty and monstrous maw of Conservative polar bear-man, Boris Johnson. New information on how the ousted MPs came to be mayoral mouth-fodder has also been brought to light by a resurfaced, junior…
Having grown fed up with an omnipresent minority of spongers, the government has decided to start dunking people on benefits to determine which of them are scroungers and which are genuinely entitled to the small amount of cash that is delivered to them each week in thimbles by bipedal mice wearing Dickensian street-urchin clobber. The…
Use of the words ‘bland,’ ‘vomit,’ and ‘why?’ reached 20 year peaks this month as Mumford & Sons released their new album, ‘Beige Rainbow.’ Although it was immediately hailed as a landmark of mediocrity, no one suspected that it was in fact much more than that, or at least not until a few weeks later…
An injured ninja turtle has had his missing beak ironically replaced with a replica of the mask worn by health and safety super-ignorer, The Shredder. The turtle, named Donatello, was recently brutally murdered with sledgehammers by a bipedal warthog in an attack that right-wing biologists have branded, ‘an excellent example of ‘survival of the fittest’…
DISCLAIMER – THIS IS A SATIRICAL NEWS SITE, AND THIS IS A SATIRICAL NEWS STORY, I.E. TOTAL HORSESHIT. Southern Rail have continued their long-standing campaign of dehumanising the proletariat today by forcing all passengers within 30ft of the First Class carriage to wear ball gags. The conductor issuing the gags had this to say:…
The treasury has admitted this morning that they have spent over £200 million on a briefcase colossal enough to contain the vast amounts of money that they plan on not spending in the next budget. A senior minister at the treasury had this to say: “This is going to be the big one,” the…
WARNING – THIS STORY CONTAINS GAME OF THRONES SEASON 1 SPOILERS Benevolent Korean Demagogue, Kim Jong-un issued a fresh taunt to the West last night, bragging that his Blessed Immortal Fire and Computers Division had finally completed their criminal acquisition of the first ever episode of HBO’s, ‘Game of Thrones.’ The leader issued a video…
The Conservative party is in turmoil this morning after it was revealed that several party members plan to oppose David Cameron’s prospective criminalisation of the human animal. Human Rights have long been a political bugbear of the Conservative party, and most assumed that a Tory majority would obliterate the Human Rights Act quicker than a…
The Hourly Terrier 