The UK Avengers – a team comprised of Captain Hammersmith, Chav Widow, Pigeoneye, The Insufferable Sulk, Tweed Man, and Immigrant Norse Alien – have announced today that they will be on strike this bank holiday Monday, despite the fact that this is exactly the sort of occasion upon which Britain’s enemies are most likely to strike. The Secretary for Mitigating Britains’ Unrealistic Weather Expectations, Katherine Prosecco had this to say:
“It’s typical – bloody typical – that these frivolous fancy-dressers would drop this on us now. What if The Drizzler strikes? Or Doctor Gloom? Or The Traffic Jammer?”
Tension between the UK Avengers and the government arose when the superheroes were recently fired and then re-hired on zero hour contracts in an attempt to minimise costs and fairness. When questioned on the government’s controversial middle finger-giving to the UK Avengers, Prosecco responded with her typical ire.
“Everyone thinks that they’re so bloody great because of the Battle of Basingstoke, but what were they doing the day after that? Sitting on their arses, that’s what. In fact, Pigeoneye spent the next seven months in hospital, sponging as much free medicine and surgery as he could while the taxpayer carried on paying him a top-notch salary. I don’t even know what Immigrant Norse Alien was doing, but you can bloody well bet that it was something foreign.”
There are also reports that the unwillingness to cooperate is a two-way street, as the UK Avengers have had a hard time working with the current, British cabinet – mainly due to the fact that the government is largely comprised of ‘reformed’ super villains.
“For evil to flourish,” Captain Hammersmith told us, “all it takes is for several well-placed bastards to ensure that any attempt to do good is immediately shat upon with vigorous enthusiasm and glee.”
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